Love her the way God intended.

Hey Prayer Closet Warriors! We've entered the final stretch of the year. As the year swiftly comes to a close, I hope you're preparing your hearts and minds for what the next chapter holds.

God is undeniably at work, unfolding His plans. If this hasn't resonated with you yet, I urge you to tune in and connect more deeply with Him.

Years ago, I had a dream I'll never forget, still vivid in my memory. I was probably about 17. I dreamt that I took my mother to church. As we engaged in worship, she was visibly moved, expressing her emotions openly. For some reason, I felt extremely annoyed by this. Muttering under my breath I kept saying, "she's just faking it,". Observing my demeanor, the pastor came down from the pulpit, looked me in the eyes, and said, “You don’t know her story, stop judging her.”

Back then, my relationship with God was not as profound as it is today, so I couldn't grasp the dream's significance. I turned to my aunt who was a woman of God and asked her. She said, “Tash, your mom has been through a lot. Give her grace.” Honestly, my heart was so clouded with resentment, offering her grace felt almost impossible. Instead, I opted for a self-devised solution: "let me love her from a distance." Distance, I believed, would mend the rifts.

It's a common misconception that avoiding tough conversations is better to “protecting our peace”. But in reality, it's placing a bandaid on a festering wound.

However, as my bond with God deepened in these past 2 years, I began discerning His voice more clearly. In the spring of 2022, His message was: “Natasha, Forgive your mother.” I asked, “how” and He said, “write her a letter”, so I did. During the process of drafting a letter, I found myself second-guessing the words. Yet, just as I was on the brink of discarding another draft, I heard the Lord say, “Tasha, you don’t need to remind her of her mistakes. Baby, she lives with that weight every day. Let go of the hurt and forgive.” Once I penned the final words, His next directive was, "Go read it to her." Talk about streching! I did it and it actually felt great. I was very happy. Little did I know, there was still something God needed to hit.

A reminder of our strained relationship emerged on my birthday, November 30th. While on my way to a hair appointment, I received a text from my mother. Her words, “Hey Tasha, can you pray for the family? We really need it right now,” I responded ok, but really was a little annoyed… Despite my initial frustration, I chose not to let it overshadow the day.

Her message was the same the next day reiterating for me to pray. But it wasn't until December 2nd that the weight of her oversight truly hit me. Overcome with emotions, I poured my heart out in my journal. All of the emotions were present, “Abba, Auntie never forgot, Grandpa never forgot. The woman who gave birth to me did. I don’t even want anything from her. Abba, I’m angry and this hurts.”

God's comforting reply was, “Tasha, don’t ignore it. Let it all come out. You are still healing. Don’t bury the feeling. I called you my own when she rejected you. I called you. Forgive her Tasha, forgive her for not loving you, for not seeing you. Don’t try to handle it on your own. You are my favorite and still are. You care because you still desire to be loved by her and that’s okay.”

Even though it hurt, God had to allow it to happen to address the unresolved pain I didn’t know was there. He reminded me of His constant love and the importance of forgiveness, even when faced with the bitter sting of rejection.

In an unexpected twist, on December 30th, my mother sent a simple yet powerful message: “Happy birthday Tash, Love you.” While it wasn't my actual birth date, God ensured my year concluded on a hopeful note. I previously assumed she didn’t care, but it turned out she truly did.

Recently, the Lord entrusted me with a new task - to care for my mother, as I once did for my grandfather. This new chapter has been a testament to His transforming power. In my youth, I witnessed a version of my mother marred by life's challenges. A woman who was trying to stay sane while ignoring her inner child who desperately needed attention. Now, God is allowing me to understand her journey and the struggles. With this newfound perspective, I can extend grace, love her the way God intended, as I liberate myself from the chains of unforgiveness, she will too. Thank You Abba!

There’s so much more I could share, but for now, I'll pause here. My sincere hope is that my testimony serves as a catalyst, inspiring you all to embrace healing and forgiveness.

To my mother, I love you and am grateful that God chose you to be my mother.

Matthew 18: 21-22 reads, “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Isaiah 49:15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!”

Exodus 20:12 "“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

Blessings.

Natasha

The Prayer Closet Mama ™