How to Hold on When Life Feels Heavy

Ok, ABBA, what is this all about? Why is this happening to me? I’ve been faithfully following You, doing my best to live according to Your will, and yet here I am, What am I missing? 

These were some of the questions I wrestled with this past week prayer closet warriors as I faced problem after problem. What really caught me off guard happened on Thursday when I was at Target, picking out an outfit for Jiraiya to wear to a birthday party.

On Wednesday, I received a text from DTA that read:“DTA has removed the PIN for your EBT card to protect your benefits. Your card will not work until you select a new PIN. Call the number on the back of your card to change your PIN.”

When I got the message, I was pretty busy and honestly didn’t think much of it, so I carried on with my day. But on Thursday, while I was shopping for JJ’s outfit, I decided I’d grab the rest of the things we needed for the house and the kids’ goody bags. That’s when I remembered the text and said to myself, “Let me update my PIN real quick.”

I called the number to change my PIN, only to find out that all my food stamps were gone! At first, I laughed and thought, “This has to be a joke! My benefits had just been renewed, and I hadn’t even touched them yet.”

To be sure, I hung up and called back, this time checking the transaction history. Every single dollar had been used in one day, leaving my account completely empty. I said aloud, “Okay, devil, you’re big mad, huh? You must be pissed at me. But you know what? It’s cool—I’m not giving you the satisfaction.” 

I had to also remind myself of God’s truths, saying aloud, “God is working all things together for my good”. “He is with me, even in the chaos”, “He is my provider”, “He is fighting for me, even when I feel weak” Casting down every thought that tried to rise up against His promises.

I texted my sister Melissa to let her know what happened and also wrote in the group chat for the women’s ministry I’m part of: "Hi, can you all lift me up in prayer? Please and thank you."

I knew I needed the extra prayers because, like I said, it had been one thing after another ALL week.

When I got home, I went to my room, grabbed my Bible and journal, and to be honest, just broke down in tears. I had woken up that morning with a terrible headache, and it still hadn’t gone away. Angry thoughts were coming to mind so quickly, and I was wrestling with them. But as those feelings surfaced, I kept talking to God—I had to! If I hadn’t, I know I would’ve spiraled into an emotional meltdown and that exactly what the enemy wanted.

I took a deep breath, and then my friend Laurie from the women’s ministry called to check on me. She shared some words of encouragement and helped me see things from a different perspective. I pulled myself together because I still needed to pick up JJ from daycare. 

I didn’t bother trying to call DTA again to speak with someone because I had already spent hours on hold. I decided it would be better to go in person instead. Honestly, I really didn’t want to—why, you ask? Because the last time I went there, it was kinda chaotic. I was only there to bring someone else, but the experience was a hot mess! People were just peopling—the line was out the door, it was summertime, and a little humid. I ended up just sitting in my car and waiting.

Right now, it’s winter, it’s cold, and I currently don’t have a car. Where’s my car, you ask? Well, it was repossessed back in October. That’s a long story, but let me just say, God is working it out—and let me tell you, He sure had to get me together on that one too! Ya’ll, this sis right here had a full-on tantrum. 

( I’ll share more details about that another time).

Anyways, Friday morning, I got up, got myself and JJ ready for the day. His dad came by to pick him up and bring him to school, and I headed to the DTA office. Before I left, I prayed. I asked God to show me how the enemy might try to hinder me today, to reveal the purpose behind why I had to go through this situation, and to make it clear who I was meant to encounter along the way.

I didn’t want to just go through the motions—I wanted to see God’s hand at work, even in this unforeseen situation. I asked Him to help me stay grounded, keep my eyes open, and make sure I didn’t miss what He was trying to teach me or the people He was positioning me to impact.

I arrived at the DTA office, and to my surprise, the line wasn’t as long as I had thought it would be. I filled out a form, spoke to someone at the front desk, and then looked for a seat to wait for my number to be called.

I sat down next to an older woman with green hair. She had her bag on the chair next to her, so I politely asked if I could sit there. She smiled and said, “Of course, it’s yours.” After sitting down, I pulled out my Bible to catch up on reading the book of Job. My sister’s and I are working through a plan to read the entire Bible this year, and I figured if I had to wait, I might as well use the time to be productive.

I overheard a young woman yelling at the employees because she was tired of waiting. Well, it wasn’t exactly overhearing—she was loud enough for everyone to hear. I quickly scanned the room, just taking note of what was happening around me. 

The woman next to me was gathering her things to leave when she suddenly wobbled, almost losing her balance. She said she was feeling a little dizzy. I asked if she needed help, but she assured me she was fine, saying she could manage and would just lean against the pole to steady herself. I said, “Okay.”

She then started talking to me and explained why she was there. The day before, she had gone to the grocery store to buy some items. At the register, her card was declined. When she called to check her balance, she was shocked to find only 69 cents in her account. She said she didn’t know what she was going to do and was doing her best not to stress, reminding herself that God is in control. We chatted a little longer, and I asked if she’d like prayer, but she declined at that moment. However, she did ask if I could read my devotional I had mentioned during our conversation. She left after that, and I continued waiting for my number to be called.

About 15 minutes later, my number was called. I walked to the back with the gentleman, and we sat down in a room to go over the details of the situation. I thought this would be an easy fix because someone I know had gone through the same thing over the summer, and they were able to have their stamps reinstated right away. But that wasn’t the case now.

The gentleman explained that because this had been an ongoing issue, they had been releasing stamps immediately when it happened, but now they no longer had the funding for that. They needed to conduct an investigation, and it would take about a month to receive stamps again.

My immediate response was, ”A whole month?, Really?… But what about the people who don’t have any resources? How are they being helped?" He didn’t have an answer for me. I took a deep breath, thanked him for his help and patience, and then left. 

That wasn’t what I expected to hear. I felt the need to call my pastor and share what was going on—not just about this situation, but venting about everything this past week hit me with! She listened, prayed with me, and offered words of encouragement. Reminding me to keep trusting and leaning on God, even when things don’t go as I planned. 

After I got off the phone with her, I stopped focusing on myself and started thinking about the woman with the green hair and all the other faces I had seen in the room. As I reflected on them, I started crying, overwhelmed by the thought, "But God, what about them? What about the people who can’t pick up the phone to call someone?  What about the people who don’t know you? Who’s praying for them, standing in the gap for them?"

Then, God began shedding light on why this was happening. First and foremost, He was humbling me, I’ve never been a fan of public transportation—specifically riding the buses—because, well, people be peopling. But in that moment, God gently reminded me that people people EVERYWHERE and those same people, the ones I sometimes try to avoid (on the bus or wherever), are still seen and loved by Him and I’m called to be the hands and feet of Jesus reminding them about Him.  

Secondly, I’m a stronger believer in the idea that experience is the best teacher. In order for me to fully understand and empathize with the struggles of others, I’ve had to go through some of these hardships myself. God has been using every challenge to teach me valuable lessons about patience, humility, and the importance of showing love and kindness, even when it’s hard.

Third, this is bigger than me! I’m seriously just a small part of the much larger plan God has in motion. It’s easy to get caught up in our own struggles, but the truth is, everything that happens—every challenge, every encounter—is part of a greater purpose that stretches far beyond my individual experience. God is using my story, my heartache, and my willingness to step out in faith to be a vessel for something much larger than I could have ever imagined. This isn’t just about me overcoming difficulties; it's about God working through me to impact others, even when I don’t fully understand how or why.

And the last thing is, it's impossible for me to boldly proclaim that God is my provider, and then, in situations like this, start to doubt Him. But that's exactly what He allows sometimes—a test of faith. God will certainly test us, not to make us doubt, but to help strengthen our trust in Him. In moments like these, when everything feels uncertain, and the pressure builds, I can either lean into the fear and doubt, or I can choose to trust Him even more. This test isn't just about provision—it's about surrendering control and remembering that God is always faithful, even when the circumstances don't immediately align with my expectations.

As I write this blog post, I can’t shake the pressing urge to share with you all that there is so much more on the horizon. Yes, God is merciful and loving, but He is also a judge! He’s been trying to get our attention in so many ways, yet many are ignoring Him, continuing on with their own way of living. There’s a call to turn back to Him, to repent, and to earnestly seek His face. We’ve been living in a time filled with distractions, making it so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. But in His grace, He is offering us an opportunity to realign our hearts with His. He’s calling us to deeper intimacy, to humility, and to repentance. It’s not just about the external circumstances; it’s about the condition of our hearts and our willingness to respond to the calling He’s placing on our lives. Don’t miss this moment to surrender and draw near to Him.

I could write so much more but to close this post, I want to leave you with a thought: In every challenge, no matter how overwhelming, there is an invitation from God to draw closer to Him. Sometimes the weight of our trials can feel unbearable, and we might question why it’s happening. But it’s in those very moments that God is refining us, humbling us, and preparing us for something greater. Every test we face is an opportunity to grow in our trust and dependence on Him. Let this be a reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. God is with us in the midst of every trial, and He is working all things together for our good.

So, take a moment to reflect. Are you willing to trust God fully, even when things don’t make sense? Will you let Him lead you through the wilderness, knowing that He is your Provider, your Strength, and your Sustainer? Don’t let the distractions of life keep you from the call to repent, seek His face, and draw closer to Him. This is the time to realign your heart with His, to surrender fully, and to be used for His glory. The best is yet to come, and you don’t want to miss the incredible things God is about to do in and through your life.

2 Chronicles 7:14

“If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”