I've got evidence

I had to be in Bali this year, so much so God sent me for free. Every retreat, Destiny goes into prayer, and the Lord will instruct her on who is to be free. I remember when she texted me—it was on March 24th. I had just returned home from taking JJ to his first dentist appointment and found out he had a cavity. I was very upset with myself as a mom, a lot of negative thoughts were coming up, and I grabbed my journal to talk to Abba about it. In the midst of my emotional turmoil, Destiny's text arrived, adding an unexpected surprise.

The conversation started off casually, with two friends catching up, and she offered encouraging words about how I was feeling in that moment. Then, she slipped in the surprise.

I thought I read the text wrong, so I read it over again a few times. It said, “I got in prayer to choose you as the person that gets to come on the retreat for free this year. I would just go to God and ask if he would have you sow anything just to reap the harvest from the seed but yeah!! Hope this makes your day better.”

I was at a loss for words, and if you know me personally, I was in tears—literally on the floor crying. After a moment, I collected myself and sent a text back, expressing gratitude and thanking her for her obedience.

Yet, how do you react when you're not accustomed to receiving good gifts? When you're usually the one giving and going the extra mile for others, accepting gifts becomes challenging. Doubt creeps in, questioning intentions—wondering if there's a hidden agenda. So, I asked Abba, "Why me? You could have chosen anyone else. Why me?" He responded and said, "Tasha, you deserve this trip. You don't have to perform for my love. I love you, Tasha. I love you."

I said Okay and thanked Him. Although excited, I found myself grappling with feelings of unworthiness. I understand you might be thinking, "Tasha, with all that God has done for you, why would you doubt your worth?" It was still happening. Because I wasn’t seeing myself how God was seeing me. 

Every day, I kept asking Abba, "Are you sure you want me to go for free? Yesterday, I wasn't so kind to X, Y, and Z, I neglected to do this or that." It was as if I was giving Him reasons to say no, but His response remained unchanged.

When July arrived, I believed the opportunity was lost. With the opportunity to go for free, my only responsibility was covering the cost of my flight. Well, my account was nearly empty. I had enough to cover my bills for the next two months. Yes, I was working but I only worked a certain amount of hours. I hadn't set aside funds for booking my flight and adding to my "Tasha, really?" moment, as I mentioned in my previous blog post, "Faithful Journey to Bali," Jiraiya had to accompany me. So, not only did I lack the funds for myself, but I also didn't have them for Jiraiya.

I was feeling every emotion! I mismanaged the money I received when I filed my taxes. And when I tell you the enemy was having a field day with it. On top of the attacks about bringing Jiraya, I was allowing him to hang this over me like a monkey hanging from a tree. He was constantly saying, “now you really can’t go. Gods mad at you, He doesn’t really Love you, you don’t have the money, you screwed this one up.”

The attacks on my mind were so, so heavy. Instead of distancing myself from Abba in shame, discouragement, and guilt, I chose to sit with Him. I repented for my actions, and He graciously forgave me, offering comfort and love. I let the tears flow, and in that vulnerable moment, He guided me, revealing the steps to take and also sent my destiny helpers to assist me.

Jiraiya and I both needed a passport; I didn’t even realize mine had expired in May, but Abba brought it to my attention just in time. Someone reached out to me and said, “God told me to help you.” I borrowed the money and was able to pay them back.

God instructed me to go through Affirm to get our flight.

And every payment was made.

He also told me to reach out to a family friend who works for Amtrak. When we took the train to NY, we went for free. When we stayed the night in NY, it was also free. He told me to reach out to one of my sisters in Christ about staying with her for the night. She brought it into prayer and said she would be paying for our night stay. And guess what??? Also came on the trip to Bali! I won’t tell that whole story because that’s hers to tell, but when the Lord told me to reach out to her, I was like, “I haven’t spoken to her in months Jesus, that’s so random.” But He didn’t need it to make sense to me; I just needed to be obedient.

Everything I ask Abba for, as far as what to bring for Jiraiya and myself, He made happen.

The last payment I had to make was due on October 7th. No, I didn’t have a money. But I heard the Lord say, “charge your card.” So, I did. My account was -1,289. Outside of the women I was going to Bali with, only one other person knew. We were leaving on October 10th. When I kept looking at my account the Lord said, “Natasha, stop looking at the negative balance and KNOW that I am the positive.”  I shifted my focus, decreeing and declaring positivity.

On the morning of October 10th, I opened my journal and poured out my feelings about my account to Abba. Anxiety weighed heavy on me. He gently reassured me to relax, emphasizing that it was already taken care of, and in that moment, His peace came over me. Shortly after, a friend unexpectedly reached out to inquire about the departure time for me and JJ. After sharing the details, she mentioned she needed to stop by.  I informed her that it was fine and mentioned that I needed to make a quick trip to the store.

As I was driving, I heard Him say, “Your account will be fixed before you leave Boston.” I said, “okay Abba.”

My friend, who reached out to me that morning, arrived at my house. Upon her arrival, she greeted me with a hug and asked, "Natasha, is there anything you need before you leave for your trip?" I felt a bit nervous and somewhat embarrassed about my overdrawn account, but I decided to share the situation with her. Surprisingly, she responded, "Well, the Lord didn't let me rest last night. You and Jiraiya were on my mind, and I asked the Lord what He needed me to do." She explained that He had instructed her to go to the bank and make a withdrawal, and she handed me an envelope containing $1,000.

I burst out in tears. Shouting and thanking God. I hugged and I thanked my friend, she had no idea what was going on but God sent her. When JJ’s dad took us to the train station, before dropping us off he asked how much money would I need, I said 300. He took out 400.

God did exactly what He said… My account was fixed. 😭

When I reached Bali I received my paycheck from work and had money to spend.

I am so determined to exit 2023, leaving behind the mindset that my Father doesn't love me and won't provide. While challenges may arise, I recognize the importance of making decisions about what I choose to believe. God keeps His promises and His word won’t fail.

I pray that every blog post I share serves as a source of help and encouragement in your journey. I understand that some days can be challenging, but we must always remember the vastness of our Father's love and His mightiness. As we approach the end of 2023, what are you choosing to leave behind? What did you get out of reading this post?