A Birthday to Remember…5:55am

Happy Friday, Prayer Closet Warriors!

I remember looking at the test in disbelief…. Josh stood behind me shouting, jumping, smiling, and laughing. It took me a second, and then I began to match his energy. I was happy too but not as happy. Deep down, another wave of emotions hit me and my spirit felt unsettled. I peed on the other stick that came in the box… “YES+” popped up on the screen. I wasn’t convinced yet, so I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for blood work.

Every test came back the same, “PREGNANT.”

I said to myself, “Ok Tash, you’re pregnant girl. Be happy about it… Josh is happy, so you should be happy too.”

Here’s the thing; trying to sustain yourself off of someone else’s happiness will only get you so far. Trying to find happiness by leaning on your own understanding only leads you down a rabbit hole. My feelings were up and down. Some days I was excited and some days I felt unsure. And trust me, I don’t say this to sound ungrateful or unhappy… but pregnancy can bring out a lot of emotions.

So many thoughts and questions ran through my mind… “I’m too far from God now? I’m not married, so God must be mad at me. Of course, I want to birth my own children one day but, Why now? What makes now different? God, why am I pregnant??!! Why can’t I just be happy about this?”

One thing I knew for sure was, I had to talk to God.

I was driving home from work one day when my friend Stephanie came to mind. I had this urge to call her, so I did. I now know that this urge/ feeling was the Holy Spirit prompting me. I told her everything… I just let all of my feelings out and held nothing back. She was very positive, didn’t judge me, and gave me the words of encouragement I needed. She also gave me Destiny Thomas aka The Prayerapist’s information, which led to my very first prayerapy session.

I didn’t know what to expect but I couldn’t avoid not talking to God this time. This was WAY TOO BIG! The thoughts were getting overwhelming and I knew I couldn’t try to figure this out on my own. At the same time, I was also scared to share these feelings with Josh. How could I ??! He was so happy and I didn’t want to take away from his happiness.

During that prayerapy session, God told me exactly why I was pregnant. He said, “Natasha, I had to make something permanent happen so you could stop living a sinful life.” A FEW other things were said, but your girl here missed the point on those.I’ll catch y’all up on that later lol.

Now I had my answer and felt satisfied. God wasn’t mad at me, I wasn’t too far gone, and I could now be happy about being pregnant. However, there was another layer to this that still made being 100% happy difficult at that time. See, I am a phlebotomist by trade, and work in the medical field; as we all know, in 2020 covid hit and shook up the whole world. Having to be at work while pregnant during the pandemic was another level of stress to endure!

One day, I walked into work feeling this heaviness. I didn’t want to be there, people’s attitudes were at an all-time high, and again, I was pregnant. My former manager must have sensed this heaviness on me that day. She pulled me aside and said, “Natasha, I know it’s hard to enjoy your pregnancy because of the pandemic. But, please be mindful of your feelings. That baby feels EVERYTHING you feel!”

After that talk, every day I made it a priority to find joy in the day; to smile, to laugh, to dance, to sing, and to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I still had some trying days! LOL!

On January 7th, 8th, and 9th of 2021, I was SO ready for something to happen! Jiraiya’s due date was supposed to be the 10th, however, nothing was happening and I didn’t understand why. My walks had already turned into waddles, my ankles were swollen, and that heartburn was wild, with all the symptoms being VERY present.

But, my baby was still chilling! and Abba had another date in mind.

Very early on January 10th, I started having contractions. I said to myself, “FINALLY!!!” I woke Josh up, we called the hospital, called my doula, and started timing my contractions. I thought to myself, “It shouldn’t be much longer now!”’

Boy was I wrong!! Jiraiya didn’t come until 3 DAYS LATER!

I was doing EVERYTHING in my own power to go into labor!

I was eating a ton of pineapple, drinking raspberry tea, taking walks, sitting on my exercise ball, and throwing back dates like they were M&M's!

Hahaha, talk about desperation!

I called my doula (who is my friend Stephanie btw) on the evening of the 12th, crying. She said, “Tasha, have you tried to take a warm bath?” I said, “No” and then she advised me to do that, so I did.

After I got out of the bath, I stood on the side of my bed, rocking back and forth, crying and humming. I felt another contraction coming and gripped the side of the bed… it wasn’t just a contraction this time, MY WATER FINALLY BROKE!!!

Did y’all catch that though??

I had to get IN THE WATER for something to BREAK! 😮‍💨🙌🏾

I can’t consciously convert into hours the amount of time I was in labor to tell you how long it was, because my contractions started on the 10th, lol.

So, after getting an epidural, with a few hours of pushing, then being told I tested positive for covid and having to have a c-section… My beautiful baby boy, Jiraiya Jeremiah Lawrence entered this world at 5:55 am on January 13, 2021.

God said to me in that first session, “Natasha, I had to make something PERMANENT happen so you could stop living a SINFUL life.” 😭😭 I am so grateful to God for giving me my son who He knew would help me change my life.

God said, “Three more days! I know you’re in pain daughter, I know you’re tired, I know this is stretching but, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Even though you aren’t fully walking with me yet, I will STILL walk with you!! He completed Jiraiya on the 3rd day.”

To my baby boy Jiraiya:

Mommy loves you! I pray that on every birthday you have, you know just how special you are. You were the ONE God sent to help change me and you did! His calling on your life is going to help change so many people in this fallen world.

• You are My Answered Prayer I didn’t know I needed

• You are Strong and Mighty

• You are Wise, Bright, and Brilliant

• You are Chosen and Hand-picked by God Himself

• You are Seen, Heard and You are NEVER Alone!

• You are Loved

Lord, I thank you, In Jesus' name, Amen!

Happy 2nd Birthday to My Sonshine!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Till next time, Prayer Closet Warriors! I love you all and pray that this blesses you!

If you live in Boston and are considering a doula here's Stephaine's information, https://www.stephknowsbest.com/doula.

And if you don’t mind, please take a minute to wish my baby “Happy Birthday” in the comments below. I know we both will enjoy it!

Sincerely,

Natasha

The Prayer Closet Mama ™